This month, we are hosting our 17^th annual telethon at Caritas.  During the course of the month, we have heard stories of how people’s lives have been changed as a result of entering the program. 

The program is not a simple quick fix program but rather a program that seeks to change the very way an individual thinks, works and interacts with friends, family and society in general.  In order to nurture this needed growth, it takes time.  In the program, the time is spent in intensive interactions with experts in their field and with case workers that understand the need for direction, focus and discipline.  The program also allows for guest speakers to come from the community and share their stories.  The interaction between these various people helps build confidence with the residents and so starts the growth and development of the individual.  Trust is an important part of the growth and it takes time to build trust as well.

As part of the program, individuals are taught skills to help them move forward.  They are given challenges to help them grow and develop independence and confidence.  They are given the skills they need to convert their hopes and dreams into reality. 

It is interesting to watch the growth in the individuals and I have learned that positive reinforcement and support, builds confidence and in turn, those expectations become the destiny of the individual.

It is spring; it is Easter, a time of new growth, rebirth, a time to help direct this new growth with direction, nurturing and love.  It is our duty as a society to help promote this new growth and turn expectations into destiny.  We have all witnessed this in nature and many gardeners take great pride in lending a hand. 

As human beings, we owe the same love and care to those that are more fragile than ourselves in society.  On behalf of all those at Caritas, its volunteers, case workers and most importantly, the residents, Thank you.

Michael Tibollo

Caritas

Chairman

The Colour of Our Thoughts

We all make choices in life, but those choices often times are as a result of our environment; the opportunities presented and those denied by chance. All parents look at their children with hope and dream for them a happy, fulfilled life and yet, they despair not knowing what chance will bring them. Parents protect, they teach and set examples for their children to follow but unfortunately, there are influences that are beyond the reach of parents and children are forced to make their own choices.

Success is said to be based on preparedness meeting opportunity. If this was the case, there would be no substance abuse in our world but rather a knowledgeable population that knows drugs is not the answer. No parent wants a child to become addicted to a substance, or put himself in harm’s way and yet, it happens.

There is an Ancient Roman saying, “the mind becomes dyed by the colour of its thoughts.” How then can we “dye” the mind with the colour of truth? A person that becomes dependent on a substance has somehow had his mind coloured by the myth of happiness, completeness, relief from pain and suffering, escape through the use of substances. Unfortunately, the pain returns as the effect of the substance wear and with continued use, the cycle of relief is repeated until the next time, thereby creating an addiction.

An addict will see the substance as a magic cure to one’s problem and relief from stress. The instant gratification from the use/dependency casts a seductive face to that myth. The unrealistic myth pulls the user back toward their inherited view of life, a view that deeply colours their psychology. The substances will not erase a lifetime of experience. If anything, the experiences will reinforce the lessons of disastrous end of the imprudent user.

So the question remains, how do we dye the mind of an addict to reinforce positive thoughts and new expressions of life and hope? How do we reinforce the truth about drugs and their disastrous effects? How do we convince a user that the temporary gratification is but an illusion that will wear off and require additional use and that the use will ultimately destroy the individual?
My time with the residents has taught me that they do not want to continue down the path of relying on substances to get through their day. They want to set a new direction for themselves and are looking for ways to gain the strength and conviction to go forward without the need of substances. They are looking for ways to dye their minds with truth, knowledge and strength.

To begin they need positive reinforcement. They need to have their confidence built up and feel that the people around them respect them and do not look down on them. In fact, the one thing I learned being around them is that they are worthy of our respect. They may have fallen but are working to pick themselves up. They are courageous in this regard and worthy of our respect.

They are also special people in that their experiences tell us secrets about our own minds and existence. By listening to them speak of their thoughts, their dreams…..their reality, we can gain insight as to how our minds become coloured by our experiences.
By sharing with them our thoughts and dreams, they slowly start to see that the path of substance abuse is not the correct path and as their thought process develops they begin to understand the myth of gratification from substances to be false and not the correct path.

As a parent, perhaps the issue that we must canvass is how can we create an environment in the home where we can colour the thoughts of our children’s minds and reinforce the truth about drugs. How do we build confidence in our children and give them the necessary skills to ensure they have the ability to understand the pitfalls of substance abuse? The mind has tremendous power and through respect, communication and love we can colour it in such a way that an addict can recover and our children can understand that substances are not the answer to their problems.

Michael Tibollo
Chairman Caritas Foundation
March 14, 2010

We are blessed each day when we wake up simply because, we woke up but then, come the challenges of life; deadlines, work, distractions, health issues and all kinds of other stresses we feel as a result of the bombardment we have to deal with while being awake.

We cope somehow with the help of friends, family, co-workers and generally by accepting the fact that we are all in this together.

I believe however that the greatest strength is not that which comes from others but rather that which we have within us. The ability to cope comes from a sense of inner peace that one gets from within. It comes from knowing that one is in control of one’s thoughts and actions and accepts that which is thrust upon us. The results may not always be the results we want however, confidence comes to us by knowing we did the best we could do and that tomorrow will bring another opportunity. Accordingly, there is no reason to despair but rather, an opportunity to do better tomorrow. I believe without that inner strength, that peace, all the outside help we seek will be of no use.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote:
“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

What happens to someone with an addiction? Is that person able to watch their thoughts and accordingly be responsible and in control of their actions?

What I have learned at Caritas is that someone with a dependency must learn first who he or she is. In other words what do I want for myself and accordingly, how do I live my life to best obtain it. Most of us as we grow up are surrounded by people that either directly or indirectly help us form the basis of who we are as individuals.

Unfortunately, not all of us have the best role models and as a result lack the development of certain skills or disciplines. When speaking with someone with a dependency, you encounter all kinds of mixed emotions and it is difficult to understand the individual’s character. Over the course of months in the program, it is interesting to see how anger, indifference and pain become acceptance and a thirst for knowledge and strength. It is amazing to see the transformation that comes from giving a person the sense of belonging and confidence that they can make decisions for themselves and that they are individuals worthy of praise. It is interesting to then hear them voice their opinions.

Words become action and actions habits, the new habits then become character and the character ultimately becomes their destiny. Emerson was right!

The journey at Caritas is a long and difficult one taking about twenty-five months but in the grand scheme of things, what is twenty-five months if it saves a person, a family, a community…….and so on.

To the dedicated men and women that work with the residents, to the families and friends that never gave up on them, to all those that keep Caritas in their hearts, I wish all of you a Blessed, Happy, Healthy, Safe and Prosperous New Year.

Michael Tibollo
Chairman Caritas Foundation
January 3, 2011

This weekend we celebrate Thanksgiving.  I ask myself, “What do I have to be thankful about?”  I am so blessed that the real question should be, “What do I have to complain about?”  My answer is simple, “Nothing.”

Challenges in life are there to test us.  We have the ability either personally or with the help of others to change many things in our lives but to do so requires us to reflect on where we are, what we are doing and where we want to go.  To worry about challenges and forget what we should be grateful for limits our ability to make changes and confront challenging situations.  If one starts each day by being grateful for family, friends and his/her achievements, it becomes easier to confront difficulties and build relationships with those that will help us in difficult times.

Being thankful or grateful should not be restricted to one time a year at Thanksgiving but should be part of our lives each day. 
A poem I once read by George Herbert, a Welsh poet, reminds me of the state of mind that we must have every day not just on Thanksgiving.

“Thou that has given so much to me,
Give one thing more—a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleases me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days;
But such a heart, whose pulse may be
Thy praise.”

Each of us should try to live our live with this spirit within us.

We have been taught to say “thank you” when a stranger offers us something or shows us an act of kindness.  It is important that we never forget to express this to all those that we live with, work with and share our time.  Often, because of our busy schedules we think that tomorrow will be a better time to express our gratitude, especially to those closest to us, but tomorrow is just as hectic as today and those that should know how we feel about them and their actions never hear the gratitude.  Many will say that the person knows that we are grateful and therefore it is unnecessary to express the words.  I disagree but, it is important to express that gratefulness not only to acknowledge the efforts of the other individual but also to remember in our own hearts what someone else has done for us.

It is important also that when we express our gratitude, it is from our heart and not just words spoken without emotion.  A thank you should not be a simple reflex; it should be a pause, a moment of reflection acknowledging the kindness of one human being toward another. 

John F. Kennedy said it best when he said, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

Hopefully this Thanksgiving we can start the process of consciously remembering to be thankful each day for those in our lives that guide us and for those in our lives that are there to help us when the pieces just don’t seem to fit together. 

By expressing gratitude from our hearts to those around us, we will build an indomitable spirit that can confront any challenge.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Michael Tibollo
October 10, 2010

I recently came across a speech written by Theodore Roosevelt entitled, “Citizenship in a Republic, The Man in the Arena”.  The speech was given at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910.  It sought to speak of the importance of leadership and the quality and the importance of good citizenship.  Citizenship requires action to bring about improvement for our fellow man.  If one chooses not to act but rather only to criticize, nothing is gained by society and accordingly, there is no improvement.

“Let the men of learning, the man of lettered leisure, beware of that queer and cheap temptation to pose to himself and others as the cynic, as the man who has outgrown emotions and beliefs, the man to whom good and evil are as one.  The poorest way to face life is to face it with a sneer.  There are many men who feel a kind of twisted pride in cynicism; there are many who confine themselves to criticism of the way others do what they themselves dare not even attempt.  There is no more unhealthy being, no man less worthy of respect, than he who either really holds, or feigns to hold, an attitude of sneering disbelief toward all that is great and lofty, whether in achievement or in that noble effort which, even if it fails, comes second to achievement.  A cynical habit of thought and speech, a readiness to criticize work which the critic himself never tries to perform, an intellectual aloofness which will not accept contact with life’s realities—all these are marks, not, as the possessor would fain think, of superiority, but of weakness.  They mark the men unfit to bear their part manfully in the stern strife of living, who seek, in the affectation of contempt for the achievements of others, to hide from others and from themselves their own weaknesses.  The role is easy; there is none easier, save only the role of the man who sneers alike at both criticism and performance.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do deeds; who knows with great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

I am moved by these statements in many ways.  At Caritas, staff and volunteers work tirelessly to help those that are in need.  They are the ones in the arena providing a refuge to assist the residents with the time they need to learn where their weaknesses stem from and then, provide a nurturing environment to help them gain the necessary strength to rebuild their lives.  Critics quickly point out what is wrong with these individuals, the “system” and society and yet do nothing to bring about change. Change can and does come through action.
If our society is to grow and evolve, we must learn to get involved.  Change comes from the efforts of those that believe in a cause and follow through with their actions.  Caritas has and will continue to work in the community to bring about change but it needs help from people that believe in the program and the change that can be brought through it.

I invite everyone reading this to think about where they fit in.  Are you a doer or a critic?  Are you prepared to get into the arena or do you sit on the side lines and criticize?  Stop and think what you accomplish sitting by the sidelines. As a single individual it is difficult to bring about change.  In numbers, we are able to accomplish a great deal.  In addition, we send a strong message when we unite.  The message is to the residents, their families, society and government.  It is a simple message of mutual respect and love that places the interests of the weaker members of society ahead of our own.  By working together, we lose very little if anything but we all gain a stronger, more wholesome and functional society.

He had a dream, a dream to help a mother who had a son lost to drugs.

He shared that dream with some friends and a little grass roots organization came into existence.  It started by working quietly with little money but with a bigger dream, a dream to save lives.

The organization started to help those that were broken for many reasons. Many refused to believe change could be made to their lives or the lives of loved ones but they refused to give up on his dream.  There was never a purpose served by blaming anyone for the problem but by sharing his dream and others believing that they could  make a difference, lives were saved.

The dream spread and there were many more that came to believe that a dream could come true if you believe. Some donated time, others money. The lives that were saved came back and shared their praise for a program that saved them. They gave of their time and energy. The message spread and more lives were saved not only through the therapeutic community but also through public education and awareness.

Parents started to dream that things could change for their sons, daughters and families. They now had hope. The community realized that monies were better spent promoting this program and helping people than pushing the problem away and out of sight pretending it didn’t exist. The parents started to share their experiences and the family association began. Their support of each other fostered relationships between them and their children. They started to believe and tell their friends that there is no shame in having a problem, only in not believing in the dream and looking for a solution.

The dream kept growing and funding was required. Dinners, donations, a telethon. Word of the dream went out into the community and people started to believe that they could help make a difference. As more and more started to believe, something happened to that dream.  It became a reality.  To all those that have dared to dream with us, thank you.  Caritas is living proof that through the generosity of our community a dream can become a reality that will change the world one person at a time. 

The generosity of the community during this telethon month is testimony to our work. It gives our staff a sense of accomplishment and our residents a sense of self respect and confidence that there are people out there that do care. On behalf of the Boards of Caritas thank you in sharing our dream, believing in it and making it a reality for all those in need.

I had the pleasure last night of attending the Celebration Dinner and Inauguration of the John Paul the Great Family Centre with Fr. Gianni Carparelli. It is a new Centre built by the community for the community with the help of the Arch-Dioscese of Toronto. It is located at 80 Shoreham Drive.

There were over 400 people in attendance including Arch-Bishop Thomas Collins, Judy Sgro, MP and Mario Sergio, MPP. Also in attendance were numerous priests and nuns as well the community at large. What was noticeably missing was the media. I don’t understand why they are quick to report another killing or drug deal in the Jane Finch corridor and give no coverage to the positive actions of a community wanting to take their streets back by providing a refuge for families and youth.

I was impressed with the spirit of community last night, the coming together of numerous cultures celebrating a landmark achievement. I know that through their hard work and continued diligence, they will make a huge difference in the lives of many.

Why did the media not showcase this community for their achievement as a model for other communities?  I guess good news doesn’t sell newspapers!

Its time media starts taking more responsibility in telling us about positive events happening in our community.  If we can learn to pass on positive news rather than complain about all that is wrong, we might actually be able to make a positive difference in this world.  You think the media would have figured this out by now and do something about it! 

I wish this brave community success in their continued vigilance and work. They have done a great and noble act in building this Centre.  Those that care know. 

As Caritas, we support and embrace you.  If we can be of assistance, we will be there for you.

A mother sheds a tear for a lost son.

A father feels emptiness in his heart wondering what he could have or should have done differently in life to have made his son stronger.  He is too proud to shed a tear but he is suffocating from the tears he is holding back unable to talk about it. Am I a failure?

A brother and sister cry. They have lost their  innocence knowing that life will never be the same for them.

A family not knowing how to react to the news of what has happened, drifts further apart and cries without being seen. Why are they ashamed?

Doctors, priests, lawyers, the” system” seek to medicate,  console, help or punish,  none really understanding the pain and helplessness everyone is feeling. Their tears (or lack thereof), are simply acknowledging a statistic. One more has succumb to the temptation of a substance.  Another weak link.

Is there hope for that tear?

At this time of the year, our faith, regardless of which one, teaches us that there is hope.  Nature in its own way tries to show us its renewed faith that there is life ahead in the coming seasons.  The harmony around us is seen in nature.  Nature seeks to rebuild after the death inflicted by winter.  The bonds of nature, its burst of vigour despite winter hardship are the lesson we need to learn.

The resurrection of Christ, the tradition of Passover all speak of hope and life.

There is hope and there are signs all around us of this if we choose to see them.  

The knowledge we seek is in our community. It is  the strength we gain from bonding together and helping each other. It is in extending a hand and not turning away.

The tear can spring life back into all of us if we remember the reason for why a tear was shed in the first place.

Life will always have challenges but we must have faith in each other and bond with each other to help each other in difficult times.

Life is beautiful and regardless of the difficulties we each face, we must remember that the answer is not in running or using substances to forget. It is in acknowledging the tear and seeing it as a cleanse, a breathe of renewed life.

One tear is too many  when it doesn’t bring growth to the spirit.

At this time of renewal, I wish our residents, their families and our friends a Happy Easter.

Michael A. Tibollo

Our Fifth Annual gala came to an end and became part of our history on March 27, 2010. It will be remembered for many firsts:

1. The first Latin extravaganza ever hosted by Caritas. Thank you to Myrna Kahan, Toni Reyes and the incredible entertainers that brought culture, and outstanding performances of dance to the event.

2. The first sell out Gala in our history. We sold out and added 17 extra seats to accomodate some of the additional requests we had for seats.

3. The first Gala to have a Title sponsor of $25,000.00. Thank you, Emery Village BIA and Giorgio Mammoliti.

4. The first Gala to feature Miss World International as a spoksperson for Caritas and the work we do.

5. The inspired singing of Grace by our friend, Robert Pilon.

6. Most importantanly, thanks to the generosity of our sponsors and guests, the first Gala in our history to raise $100,000.00 to fund the Caritas Project!!!!!!

On behalf of the Boards of Caritas, I want to express our sincere gratitude in showing your support for the work we do and most importantly for helping us help the residents that need us. Your generosity helps make this world a better place for them, their families and our community.

Reflecting on the success of the Gala, I would be remiss not to mention the hard work and dedication of our Gala Committee, Silvana Tibollo, Paula DiBattista, Maria Chiodo, Lina Variano, Erma Varrano, Lucia Sturino, Teresa Tiano, Franca Linardi and Myrna Kahan. I hope they find the time to repeat what they did next year and perhaps even build on it to make it bigger and better!

I was at a lunch a few months ago and a priest was asked to say Grace. He stood up and said, the shortest and best prayer I ever heard. It was one simple word that if truly appreciated and said with sincerity is all that one needs to say. I want to pray for all of you that have through generosity of time and money made this the most successful event of our history. As I said, the prayer is one simple word and I ask that you accept it from the hearts of our Boards, volunteers, staff and residents, “Thank you” .

We are coming to the most important time of the year for Caritas. By this time next week, our Gala will be part of our history and we will be embarking on our month long telethon. These two events account for the bulking of funds we need to operate our programs.

I would like to express my sincere gratitude to all those that have worked so diligently over the last year to ensure the success of our events.  It is at a time like this that one must reflect back and say that if it wasn’t for the hard work of the volunteers, we would have no events and if we had no events, we would have no funds to operate the community program and bring to light the problems associated with substance abuse.

Our Gala will be the biggest we have ever had and we owe a debt of gratitude to the organizing committee for their relentless efforts to make this a success.  Our staff, this year, despite adversity has demonstrated that their jobs are more than just work but in fact a vocation to help those less fortunate. Their dedication has been inspirational to the community we serve.

The Boards have also rallied behind the organization through dedication and perseverance, believing as I do that our reward is in knowing that we have helped an individual….a family….a friend….the community.
It is important that over this next month, we tell everyone who we are and what we do.  Through our “amore”, “love” and “passion”,” passion” in what we believe, we will bring success to Caritas and save lives.